Who is PV?

I am a Biology teacher at Davis High School who enjoys making science as relevant as possible so that students can relate what they learn in class to their lives.


I also enjoy many activities like climbing, backpacking, basketball, soccer, gardening, etc.
I hope that my life experiences can add to my students' understanding of the subject matter.

Being a teacher puts me in a time warp... everyone around me stays the same age, so I think that I'm not getting any older either.


Actual  quotes attibuted to me from my classes:

“A cow could fall out of the sky and land on my head.”
“Why did the cell plasmolyze? Because it was the chicken’s day off.”
“Write it in your head not on your head!”
“A scientist whose name escapes me – oh well he’s probably not too important.”
“Just because my English isn’t gooder than his...”
“Gummy bears have no constitutional rights; they are not all created equal.”
“You might say to yourself, ‘Self’…”
“This lab will be semi-organized chaos.”
“So you are a gazelle with a lion coming at you. You say to yourself, “Self, should you fight or fly?””
“He was really good at math: even in the womb he was dividing and dividing.”
“Your liver cells are, you know, just hanging out.”
“Sex is just like flipping a coin.”
“What are the odds of all your children being purple?”
“You can’t cross a dead hamster.”
“I had a dream that this class played in the world championship for flag football.”
“What happens when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An utter catastrophe.”
“We use x and y so that we don’t get mixed up with the chickens.”
“If you have (1.) Two z chromosomes and (2.) You are a chicken, then you are male.”
“Have you ever heard Siamese cats breeding?”
“I’m not a statistician, although I play one on TV.”
“If my aunt had a y chromosome then she would be my uncle.”
“Oh man, I want a wife with a big lip!”
“You don’t find near sighted dear.”
“You know, rhinos can shoot their urine like 20 feet! It’s the whole zoo experience.”
“I’m funny even when I don’t know it.”
It’s hard to be reproductively successful if you’re dead.
These guns are all natural! Well… they’re actually more like air soft guns…
You breathe out your food. That’s insane!
The only way that we as humans can be as complex as we are is at the expense of the universe.
I’d eat you if it meant living.
If you’re in a survival situation, you’re not going to be like “eeehhhhh I don’t want tooo much fat in my diet” NO! you take it all man.
If you split an orange, there’ll be little sections. If you cut your kidney in half… you’ll probably bleed to death.
Babies are like little parasites inside you, and they suck up your……
Don’t sit around thinking; “Am I going to die?” yes, yes you are.
Safety first! Danger second!!
If someone gives you a cold, you now have a little piece of them in you.
You know… it’s a good thing ostriches don’t fly. I was thinking of the poop.
If we were to throw you in a fire… that would kill you.
Now you are probably asking yourself; “Self, why are there introns?”
At the time they did seem legit. Did I just say legit?!
Soon enough you get a little freak-of-nature-smashed-faced pug dog!
Get the mate…get eaten. Get the mate…get eaten. Bird of Paradise? Get the mate.
When the circumstances are bad, quite frankly, you really only need one male.
You see all the big ugly fat guys with all the beautiful women. No offense big ugly fat guys.
There’s no such thing as bad weather. Just bad clothes.
Grizzly bears? Man, one swipe and you’re out! There really isn’t much you can say after that other than “Hey look! My intestines! I didn’t know they looked like that….”
All the Disney movies where the lion is purring, yeah, total lie!
You never know when you will need to know the difference between a male and a female moss. You just never know.
You see… when two flowers really love each other…
I like to think of the year as a rollercoaster… a really really boring rollercoaster.
I’m Pterophyta ferns!
 “I believe I can fly!!” NO! you can’t.
I like to call this a pseudo-democratic dictatorship.
If you lower your expectations you can do anything in life. Aim low and you will never be disappointed.
You can play rock/paper… didn’t really catch on.
No matter how tough you think you are, a centipede lands in your lap and you’re screamin’.
You guys are sharp. Like a butter knife!
I’ve kissed so many sea cucumbers in my life. Man I’m golden; I should go buy a lottery ticket.
Credit cards are tools. Just like other tools they can be used for good or evil. Like an ax. An ax is a tool…
If you were to eat with your left hand people would look at you like “DUDE!!! gggrroooossssssssssssss….”
You gotta take care of your parasites. You gotta love them! They love you!!...kinda.
Because dead kids can't mate.
I used my photocopying Jedi skills.
I want to completely mess you up for the rest of your life.